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Gay Relationships: The Controlling Partner

( Gay Relationships Advice Column By Dr. Brian Rzepczynski ) Dear Dr. Brian:   My partner and I have been together for 9 years and we have a problem with control in our relationship. My partner says that I’m too controlling and it’s gotten to the point where I feel like I have to watch everything I say for fear that he’ll think I’m trying to overpower him. He says that I try to control how he thinks and feels in most situations of his life. I’ve asked him to write down the areas of his life where he feels I’m controlling him, but he resists this. I’m not sure what to do and I’m getting to the point where I’m questioning whether this relationship is viable. Any advice...

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Gay Relationships & Dating: “Watch Out! The Dude’s A Player!” – Part Two

( Continued From Yesterday ) Tips For The Gay Dater For Screening Out “The Player-Types”Unless you have hardcore proof and evidence that your new dating partner is playing around on the side, you must be careful about making assumptions or interpretations of his behavior. That being said, the following are some signals to keep your antennae wired for as potential red flags that you may be dating a “player” and can indicate to you the importance of going slow as you get to know him, observing his behavior to get the most accurate picture of his character as possible, and communicating and “checking things out” with your partner during the dating and get-to-know-you process:  * he takes your phone number, but won’t give...

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Gay Relationships: Strengthening Your Conversational Skills – Shyness Part Three

[ continued from yesterday ]Introducing ourselves and speaking to people that we don’t know is difficult for shy people - mainly because they’ve learned to fear rejection. They are overwhelmed by a sense of awkwardness and don’t know what to do. That anxiety can be so paralyzing that these men and women avoid trying anything new or speaking to people they don’t already know. Their fear of rejection makes their world smaller.  Rejection isn’t fatal, no matter how uncomfortable it might seem at the time. The problem is often what therapists call “catastrophic thinking” – a belief that it would be unbearably awful if rejection occurred. But is being turned down for a job or a date really lethal? Of course not. The consequences are far worse if ...

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Gay Relationshps: When A Lover Cheats: Relationship Repair For Gay Couples: Part 2

[ continued from yesterday ] When the “relationship contract” has been broken by an infidelity in a gay couple’s partnership, the foundation of trust and respect has likely been damaged. Some men opt to sever their ties, unable to cope with the boundary violation that’s occurred, while others decide to work at rebuilding their relationship. Each couple must decide for themselves which option best suits their needs and will be determined largely by the level of investment and commitment each has to endure through the painful tasks involved in recovering from an affair. Surviving and healing from an affair is possible and requires both partners to take responsibility and channel all their energies into repairing their relationship. Part 1 of this 2-part article series addressed the possible reasons ...

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Gay Relationships: When A Lover Cheats – Relationship Repair For Gay Couples: Part 1

Nothing destroys the foundation of trust and security in a relationship quite like infidelity does. The gay community at large tends to accept more liberal forms of sexual expression.  Without social norms precluding what’s sexually appropriate or not in the context of an intimate relationship, gay men are in a position to choose for themselves the role sex plays in their relationships. As such, most gay couples develop a “relationship contract” of sorts as they begin to merge their lives together about monogamy vs. non-monogamy. For those couples who have agreed to be monogamous, a partner’s affair with another man can create a whirlwind of chaos and pain—and sometimes, the destruction of the relationship itself. While many relationships don’t survive an affair because of the difficulties ...

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Gay Relationships: Start Flirting Like a Superstar – Part Two

[ continued from yesterday ] Profile Of A Masterful Flirt: Remember that flirting is a skill that can be learned. The following are characteristics of an individual who is a master at flirting that can enhance one’s success in causing men you’re interested in meeting to be more responsive to your advances. A great flirt is someone who: · has a solid self-esteem and exudes confidence and appears self-assured and relaxed · has a good sense of humor, is down-to-earth, and is able to laugh · has good communication and social skills, including being a great listener and having the ability to be flexible and weave in and out of a variety of social situations with relative ease · is good at reading ...

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Gay Relationships: Stop, Look, & Listen – The 3-Step Approach to Understanding Your Partner – Part Two

[ continued from yesterday ]No matter how much you get the urge to break-in should your partner say something that you don’t like, hold it back! It’s not about you right now, it’s about you demonstrating to your man that you care and are invested in understanding life through his frame-of-reference, no matter how different it may be from yours. Listening is not about agreeing with your boyfriend and doing what he says, it’s about being fully present and gaining clarity into each other’s experience of your relationship. Be aware of any internal or external factors that could distract you and redirect yourself back to your listening responsibility. Nonverbal communication is integral as well. Make sure you have an open body posture, maintain good ...

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Marriage Equality Round-Up – April 23rd

Here’s our daily round-up of the marriage equality / LGBT rights stories from all around the internet. If we missed anything, let us know. Enjoy! HISTORY: We cannot have real proof about the sexuality of a man who died 400 years ago on 23 April. But like the entirety of William Shakespeare’s work, in books and blogs across the globe, it has never stopped anyone from voicing their interpretations. full story PEOPLE: Even though she is on the record liking Ted Cruz more than any other candidate for president, Jenner is speaking out against laws that restrict people like her from using the appropriate restroom. full story AUSTRALIA: A photograph by Chris Cincotta of a gay couple for the Facebook page Humans in Melbourne is going viral ...

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I’m Still Here

Chris and me at Golden Ears Provincial ParkI know. I know. I haven't published something here in a long time (my Christmas and New Year's greetings don't count).But I want you to know I'm still here, I'm still engaged in my blog, both on Blogger and Facebook, and, if you have a question, concern, need advice, or just want to talk, I'm here for you. Send me an email at rmodien@telus.net, and I will respond. I will help if I can. That's a promise.

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Gay Relationships: Imitation Intimacy – Some Men Talk A Good Game, But Can’t Deliver The Goods

It started off well. He was so sincere, open and interested. Or at least he seemed that way. He swept you off your feet. He could be so romantic, and his attention was always focused on…you. Maybe you thought, “At last. Someone who really appreciates me and isn’t playing games.” You started to lower your guard and let yourself feel hopeful. Had you found Mr. Right?   Predictably, that’s about the time the game playing was just starting. He’d confess his love for you one weekend, then you wouldn’t hear from him for two weeks. Or after what seemed like a great weekend, you’d find an email in your inbox on Tuesday, breaking up with you. What’s up with all that?  Some men have a problem really ...

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Gay Relationships: Fear of Commitment

Ever read advice columns? I don’t think they could exist without letters from women dating guys who can’t commit. It’s almost a cliché: “Joe and I have been dating for 7 years now, and he still hasn’t asked me to marry him. What’s wrong?”  Gay men might phrase it a little differently, “We’ve been going together for 4 years, but we still aren’t living together.” Or “We started off great! But I still haven’t met his family or co-workers. I don’t feel important to him.” Gay men are probably no different from other men in their level of comfort around intimacy. It’s quick and easy for some of us, while for others it seems to happen at the pace of a glacier moving south. Why ...

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Wishing You A Wonderful Thanksgiving

  Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.Wishing You A Wonderful Thanksgiving We'll be back on Monday, November 28th

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Gay Relationships: How To Be The Most Romantic Partner Your Lover Has Ever Had – Part Two

[ continued from yesterday ] If you and your guy are busy people, a quiet getaway together can be an invitation to a passionate weekend. Don’t wait for that vacation you’ve been putting off! There are gay bed-and-breakfasts all over the world; check one out.  Or think about what your boyfriend might like to do. Does he like to ski? Think about a trip to some snowy mountain that would allow him to hit the slopes. (And then there are those quiet evenings in front of the fireplace together.) Does he need time to relax after too much travel or time at work? Maybe a weekend at a cabin would fit the bill. When the Holidays come around, they have been designed with ads ...

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Gay Relationships: How Do I Know If His Love is Real?

Dear Dr. Brian: I’m new to dating men and this is the first relationship I’ve been in with a man. I’m not sure if the guy I’m involved with really loves me the way I do him. He’s not really blessed financially and I tend to support him with a lot of his needs. I can’t help but wonder if he’s clinging on to me for that reason. I love him, but I don’t want to continue the relationship if he’s only with me for that purpose. _____________________________________________ Dear Friend: It is very important in dating to pace a new relationship slowly so that you can get to know your dating partner well enough to determine if he meets your needs for a relationship and life partner. ...

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Gay Relationships: Building Your Risk-Taker Muscles – Part One

There is probably no greater topic of importance to gay dating and relationship success than self-esteem. How you feel about yourself definitely translates itself in everything that you think, feel, and do. Having confidence and a belief that you have value and worth gives you that extra boost you need to take risks that will improve your life. It gives you that little extra sexy appeal and makes you feel positive and attractive to yourself and others. It also helps you in making sound and responsible decisions that will ensure you’re living with integrity. Additionally, when you feel good about yourself, you’re more likely to set boundaries with others to avoid being taken advantage of and helps you feel more able to be assertive and to...

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Gay Relationships: Are You Lost In Love?

Western religious marriage rites celebrate the idea of “the two becoming one flesh.”  The other pull is towards safety and independence, and it can be just as powerful as this urge to merge. We fear being engulfed by the other, becoming lost in love. Both of these urges are normal and understandable. If you had no desire to mesh with your partner, you might as well be roommates. But healthy relationships allow each partner to maintain his identity, distinct from the shared identity as a couple. There is a dynamic balance that allows both connection and detachment. We’ve all grown up with the myths about relationships that are pervasive in our culture and in the media. Models of healthy relationships are rare. One model most of...

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