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Gay Relationships: Enhancing Intimacy In Your Life – Part 3

[ continued from yesterday ]  This is the third installment in a 3-part article series about struggles with intimacy that are relatively common in gay relationships. In Part 1 of the series, “intimacy freak-out” was defined and the reasons why gay men are prone to this phenomenon were discussed. This article will address some of the common intimacy fears that could block your potential for true connection with your partner and will offer some tips for enhancing your comfort with intimacy to help you achieve ultimate relationship bliss! The “Freak-Out” Checklist: In my training and work with gay men, I have found some common intimacy fears that can prevent us from experiencing the depths of fulfillment that love can offer. Take a look through this list ...

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Gay Relationships: The First Date: Assessing His Boyfriend Potential – Part Two

( continued from yesterday ) While it’s impossible to get the full scope of a person on a first date, you should be on the lookout for any possible “red flags” that would halt the possibility of a second date. Or perhaps he will have inspired some intrigue in you to invest further in getting more acquainted with him. So when conversing with the man sitting across from you, think about some of the following points to help you ponder how you’d like to proceed with this particular gentleman: Does he appear to take care of himself and have good grooming and hygiene?  Does he maintain eye contact with you as he speaks or is he looking around the room at the other guys (very disrespectful!)...

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Gay Relationships: Dating For The 40+ Gay Man: Seven Steps To Success – Part 1

Dating can be hard enough at times, but the situation can be made that much more challenging for those single gay men who represent the age 40 and up crowd.   In a society where youth and beauty are highly valued, many middle-aged men report feeling segregated and unappreciated in dating pools, making it difficult to meet and sustain relationships with potential dating prospects. The problem can seem even more compounded in the gay community in which the emphasis on youth and brawn is amplified, causing many mature gay men to feel undesirable and like outsiders within gay circles. They feel unwanted and that their age hinders them and limits the pool of men available to them for dating, particularly when they report being rejected by men in ...

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Gay Relationships: Dating – Make A Great First Impression – Part Two

( Continued from yesterday ) ...... tips on how to make the most of your initial contacts with potential dating prospects so you can leave a favorable impression of yourself in their minds. Whether you’re single and looking for “The One” or are trying to break into a social group or land a new job with a potential employer, you may only have one opportunity to peak someone’s interest and curiosity in who you are and what you might bring to the table. 5. Practice Core Mindfulness In a first encounter with someone, it’s common to want to be liked and this can lead to being too much “in your head”. Thinking about what you’re going to say next in the interaction or worrying about the other guy’s perception...

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Gay Relationships: Sex, Bad Sex And Really Bad Sex

You’ve probably done it; you’re driving home late at night feeling disappointed – or worse.. Maybe you’re pounding the steering wheel and shouting at yourself. You just finished sex with someone and you’re sorry you did it. You know the bumper sticker that says that the worst day at the beach is better than the best day at the office? Well, this is not true about sex. It’s better to stay hungry and horny rather than have sex that leaves you feeling bad about yourself. Good sex means sex that feels enjoyable while you’re having it, and equally good when you think about it afterwards. Bad sex comes in several flavors, but they all taste pretty bad. You know it’s bad if you feel like you just...

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Gay Relationships: Fixing That Romatic Rut

It is easy for us to get stuck in ruts in relationships. That’s true whether the relationships are dating ones or long-term, committed ones. We human beings are creatures of habit.  Often we don’t like change much, especially if keeping things the same helps us feel safe. Many of us will choose safe-but-boring over new-and-possibly-better any time we have the ability to make the choice.  On the other hand, we human beings also have an inborn desire to change and grow.    When something is hurting us, or we find ourselves feeling stifled or deadened, we experience something inside of us that cries out, “There is more to life than this!” We find ourselves considering the need for change, even if...

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Speechless

My heart and prayers go out to the families and friends of those massacred and wounded in the Orlando, Florida, nightclub shooting yesterday. When will we learn?

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Gay Relationships: The Boyfriend Evaluation: Getting to Know Him – Part One

So you made it through the first date with this new guy and he’s intrigued you. You find him attractive, enjoyable to be around, and with the little bit of information you’ve been able to obtain at your first contact, he seems to meet some of your personal requirements and needs for a potential boyfriend thus far. So now what? Now you’re about to embark upon the fine art of dating and courtship. Together, the two of you will begin the process of getting to know each other better through going out on dates for fun and recreation and learning about one another in a variety of different contexts and situations. Through this relationship-building process, you’ll slowly begin forming an emotional bond while gauging if the...

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Twenty-Four

Chris on one of our trips to Port Angeles, Washington, when we lived in Victoria a decade ago.Twenty-four is the number. That's how many years Chris and I have been together today.It seems as though we just met. Chris was twenty-three years old back on June 13, 1992–a boy, really. Now, he's forty-seven, and a man. And what a beautiful man. I count my blessings every day that I met him, that we clicked, and that we still click today.On the day after the horrendous massacre at the nightclub in Orlando, when we're all in shock, speechless, and grieving, I hope what Chris and I have is a testament to the deep and enduring love possible between two men.Who in their ...

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Gay Relationships: Overcoming Shyness – Part One

If you’re shy, you know the discomfort such bashfulness can bring.  When you must step out of the shadows and speak up, you may experience a racing heart, dry mouth, and butterflies in the stomach.  What others seem to take for granted can become a miserable experience for you. All sorts of social situations can trigger a bout of self-conscious shyness.  Some people find themselves not speaking up for themselves at work.  Others find it makes them anxious to introduce themselves to others at a bar or the gym.  Or they avoid social situations all together, becoming isolated at home.  And more people fear public speaking engagements than fear snakes or spiders. All of us find ourselves a little shy at times, especially if we’re introverted...

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How to Seat Parents at Same-Sex Wedding Ceremonies – Wedding Reality Check with Sandy Malone on iHeartRadio

When brides and grooms planning same-sex weddings ask me what’s different about planning a gay wedding versus a straight one, my honest answer is that there’s not much difference – except for the etiquette of how you handle the parents. Mothers of the bride and groom are afforded certain honorable positions according to traditional wedding etiquette, but whose mom gets the top billing at a same-sex wedding? You might think it’s a stupid question, but it’s come up before at a wedding rehearsal I was running, and it made things more than awkward. So the next time I had a gay wedding rehearsal, I put on my “Queen of Gay Wediquette” crown and made some rules. The beauty of a ...

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Marriage Equality Round-Up – April 26th

Here’s our daily round-up of the marriage equality / LGBT rights stories from all around the internet. If we missed anything, let us know. Enjoy! POP CULTURE: An ITV drama adaptation has attracted criticism – after a gay character was turned straight. full story SID GENTLE PRODUCTIONS FOR ITV THE DURRELLS Pictured:CALLUM WOODHOUSE as Leslie Durrell, KEELY HAWES as Louisa Durrell, MILO PARKER as Gerry Durrell,DAISY WATERSTONE as Margo Durrell and JOSH O’CONNOR as Larry Durrell. This image is the copyright of ITV and must only be used in relation to THE DURRELLS. BANGLADESH: CTV News reports that Al Qaeda has taken responsibility for the brutal killings of two gay activists and journalists. full story MALAYSIA: Malaysian LGBTIs should not be allowed to ...

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Marriage Equality Round-Up – April 27th

Here’s our daily round-up of the marriage equality / LGBT rights stories from all around the internet. If we missed anything, let us know. Enjoy! COMMENTARY: However, while we’ve discussed the great strides in how gay, lesbian and trans people are represented in the media, it’s very apparent there’s one section of the community who are still pretty much invisible in showbiz – bisexual men. full story NATURE: A rainforest bird known as the sapayoa often lives in commune-like extended family groups where members engage in both opposite-sex and same-sex mating, finds new research on the colorful birds. full story NATURE: A pair of male vultures are caring for an egg at the Tierpark Nordhorn Zoo in Lower Saxony, Germany, ...

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Marriage Equality Round-Up – April 29th

Here’s our daily round-up of the marriage equality / LGBT rights stories from all around the internet. If we missed anything, let us know. Enjoy! COMMENTARY: Ending our culture’s obsession with what’s “male” and what’s “female” will be our salvation, writes Riki Wilchins. full story PEOPLE: Whenever I’m told that I seem too gay to be a bisexual man I always respond the same way: “Name me five male bisexual celebrities.” full story POP CULTURE: Seth Meyers last night took a deep dive into the world of anti-trans “bathroom bill” legislation, calling out extremist right-wing hucksters like FOX News, their “doctor” Keith Ablow, Ainsley Earhardt and others for pushing dangerous myths. full story COLOMBIA: Colombia’s highest ...

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Gay Relationships: “The Insecure Partner” Part Two

( continued from yesterday )  COPING STRATEGIES FOR TAMING INSECURITY 1. Keep a journal of your triggers. Anytime you find yourself getting anxious or insecure, write down the situation, the feelings you experienced, what you were thinking, and how you acted. This running log will help you discover patterns behind your projections so you can more readily short-circuit them in the future should they happen again. Try to write about where your insecurity originated, what your insecurity looks like, the types of beliefs that feed this feeling, the consequences you’ve suffered as a result of its existence, and create a vision for how you will look as a man with a secure base.2. If you find that you project another person from your life (an “ex”, your...

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Launching a New Blog

For more than eight years, Marriage Equality Watch was the blog for the Purple Unions Wedding Directory. But this month, we are launching a brand new blog, celebrating the weddings of our friends in the LGBTQIA community. You can find it here: https://www.purpleunions.com/weddingblog/ And we’re posting our own wedding first. We’re thrilled to have marriage equality across the US, and hope many other countries will soon follow, with many happy couples gaining the right to marry. In the meantime, we will keep Marriage Equality Watch up as a resource for the community, with its eight and a half year history of articles spanning the LGBTIQA rights movement and the fight for marriage equality. So come join us on this new journey...

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The Last Marriage Equality Watch – April 30th

“…I may yet live to see gay marriage become a reality in the United States in my lifetime. And wouldn’t that be something.” Those were the words I wrote when we first started Marriage Equality Watch back in January 2008: before Prop 8, before President Obama was elected, before Mark and I were married, when it was still GLBT instead of LGBT… and far before marriage equality became a reality in all 50 states. Now that we have come full circle to the end of this amazing project, I thought it would be appropriate to share that column with you once again: https://purpleunions.com/blog/2016/04/why-the-word-marriage-matters-3.html How far we have come in eight short years! In the end, it wasn&#...

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Gay Relationships: I’m “Out” – He’s Not!

( Gay Relationships: Advice Column By Dr. Brian Rzepczynski ) Dear Brian: My partner and I have been together for 20 years and are very much in love.  We are both very successful. I am out with friends and family. He is not out with his family – or at work.  We have a house together. When he is on the phone i have to remain silent so as to not be  heard.  He often gets dragged out  to events after work because nobody knows he has someone waiting for him.  When his family comes to visit – I move into a hotel for a night or a few days. I realize he is operating from a point of fear. I  want to be supportive. However – I...

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